HOW DO YOU LOVE?

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."                                                                                                                      Elizabeth Barrett Browning 

My mother used to say that she always loved me, but there were times when she didn’t like me very much. I understood that. It meant that I had done something, not of her approval. We always expect our parents to love us, but as my mother reminded me, we are not commanded to love parents, only to honor. Love is complicated.

SO WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is a deep emotion that defies definition. It can be passionate, familial, platonic, romantic or devotional. It is so important to us, that without it, we are bereft and often psychologically distressed. To feel un-loved is tantamount to being unwanted. 

Love is a word, which is overused and undervalued. We can’t love a color or a flavor the way we love a person. When offered a choice of dessert for example, we might reply: “I’d really love to try one of those éclairs”.  Love to try? Where is the love in that? 

I can honestly say that I love my country. The sight of Old Glory fluttering over the background of an azure sky brings tears to my eyes. I am always amazed and thrilled by the beauty in nature. I am overcome by the rapture of certain songs and phrases. I love my family…. and feel that most poignantly at the moment of separation. I guess we love what we would miss the most if it were gone. Freedom, family and faith are at the top of the list.

On February 14th we celebrate Valentine’s Day. The origins of the holiday have to do with the martyrdom of a priest. There are no religious rites that accompany the exchanging of gifts and cards to our ‘loved’ ones, but it is an accepted ritual among lovers and family members. And if you forget, you are in deep trouble!

We need not wait for birthdays and holidays to express our love. We need not be directed by St. Hallmark to express our feelings. There is not one woman that I know of, who would reject a bouquet of roses and the expression of love it carries, on any day.

When we are young we explore love and find out that it is not necessarily what we think it might be. Young lovers have crushes and fantasize about celebrities. It is natural for all animals (humans included) to be attracted to the handsome, the strong, the bold and the ‘sexy’.

Romantic love and marriage do not always go together. Arranged marriages and marriages of convenience often outlast romantic unions. That is a different subject and it has to do with tradition, financial arrangements, present, future and perceived need.

To be safe and secure, to have companionship and approval is about reassurance. Comfort may indeed, be far more important than passion. On the other hand, I am not sure that promises made at age 20 can always stand up to the test of time, but it is admirable when they do.

I think that new love is exciting, old love is comfortable. Unconditional love is selfless. Love of one’s self is essential to emotional well-being. Love of your fellow man is a lofty ideal.  Love of family is expected, not necessarily earned. Love of things is ridiculous, they cannot love you back.

At my age, simple acts of kindness give me pleasure. I usually buy what I want or need, however, surprise packages are enlivening. A door opened, a hand extended, an unexpected hug or compliment is all that I really desire.

I'm not saying that a good looking rogue with a twinkle in his eye would be ignored. A little flirtation is good for the libido. But it is the guy who has accepted my burden as his own, standing by me even when I am a raving wild thing, that I love. And he knows it.

HOW DO YOU LOVE?