Moms Talk Q&A: What To Do About Rebellious Teens
Are you "too friendly" with your teenager? Which parenting methods work, and which don't?
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This week's discussion is based on the topic of Patch contributor Diana Weber's latest Parenting 2.0 column, in which she talked with noted parenting author Lisa Hein. In it, they talked about how to deal with a rebellious teenager:
Hein explained that parents need to draw the line between being a friend and a parent. That’s not negotiable. Kids have enough friends, she said. They need a parent who has a backbone and thick skin.
What's your take? Are you "too friendly" with your teen? What's your experience been like as the parent of a rebellious teenager?
Hein recommends taking away personal belongings or restricting Internet or texting privileges when kids are acting out. In your experience, does this work? What parenting methods do you use? What's the biggest challenge of raising a teen today? Post your comments below, and let's get the conversation started.
Gail
3:45 pm on Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I agree with Hein 100%. When my 12 year old son, not quite a teen I know, needs to be disciplined, we take away what he will miss the most, for him it is his video game. He has to earn it back over time. There have been times when we have taken away everything: his cell phone, television, video games and computer, he will then earn them back one at a time. I think the hardest thing for us to deal with right now is that he wants to act grown up when he is really still just a child.
Jason Bartolone
4:51 pm on Wednesday, April 6, 2011
And that struggle - him wanting to act grown up - will probably continue until he actually IS grown up. You're right, it's probably the toughest thing for parents to deal with when they have kids that age.
Heather Atkinson
9:35 pm on Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I also agree, you take away whatever is the child's "currency"--whatever they treasure the most. This is different for each child, and each offense. Greater offenses warrent taking away multiple "currencies". It is a temptation to try to be your child's friend, but this never works, and it makes the parent look REALLY lame. It's better to be respected than liked. And there is no worse feeling to know that you're child has "played" you!
Pam
9:29 am on Thursday, April 7, 2011
My husband tried to be a "friend" to his oldest daughter from his first marriage. I think he did it to be "liked" because of the ugliness of the divorce. It went way too far and I believe she is still suffering because of the lack of discipline in those critical teen years. It's one thing to have fun with our kids and enjoy being with them but I am not their friend. I am here to guide them to make the right decisions later in life.
Sandi
10:23 am on Thursday, April 7, 2011
Sandi G. I have three children. I absolutely doted on each one. My oldest (38) is a successful business person with a child of her own. The middle child(26) is a college grad and is very big on giving back to the community. The youngest and the only boy (23) has been in jail and prison as a result of drug use and the crimes committed to obtain drugs. The moral is be a parent first, don't be afraid to be in every aspect of their life. They will thank you when they are older.
Pam
10:32 am on Thursday, April 7, 2011
Sandi- I'm sorry to hear about the youngest. My husbands youngest has been going through all that. Do you feel like you did anything different between the middle and youngest? I'm one of those that believe its okay to pry and spy even if needed. My husband tends to want to leave well enough alone.. Every time my prying leads me to something awful I wonder if he is right. For instance, last night my step daughter answered her cell phone when she did not realize that she did and for 5 minutes I heard stuff that I wish now I didn't know. I know it is easier to bury my head in the sand.. But now I don't know what to do with the information I have. Ughhgh.
Kathy
9:36 am on Tuesday, August 2, 2011
My boys are 20 & soon to be 17. My youngest is giving me problems. Nothing illegal, just this crappy little attitude. My husband & I have always been strict w/them, but they have our trust & anything else we can use to guide them. There are & always have been rules in our home & our youngest now seems to think that they're not applicable to him. He thinks $ grows on tree's even though allowance has always been limited. I am having several problems w/him & just don't know what to say. I want to scream & yell at him (which I won't) but I don't know how to get thru to him anymore.